This post is inspired by the conversation I had had with my friend tonight. We are talking about relationships, and about those bastards who have us. I was telling her how my idea of love and relationships have changed in time, and how-despite the pain of giving my all- I decided not to regret a thing about what had happened,- it’s not about whether or not he deserves it, but it’s the idea what I can do for love, so I chose to see the positive outcome it has laid in front of me instead.
My love story is just like anybody’s love story. I met a boy, the perfect boy for me. He reads, and is equally smart (even smarter than I am.) He gave me butterflies, and made my knees wobble. He made me feel silly, and even made me laugh. I felt so lucky having this kind of feeling, I knew love when I locked eyes with him. I knew love when he first held my hand.
You see-things were never easy for us, we had been through a lot, and we stayed stronger as time passed by. We held on to the idea that we have each other no matter what- or that was what I thought so.
Love has this magical power over us- that refrains us from seeing things in clarity. Our minds create this illusion, and we hold on to that delusion for years- keeping us to oblivion of our own reality. And then a very strong typhoon happened- someone snapped a finger- then the barrier that protected me from reality suddenly broke- and I was left unprotected by the pain of the realization that I had been standing ALONE- all along. How did it feel?
I barely recognized myself after the storm- to be honest. I lost a great deal of me, but somehow by losing myself, I have found “ME”. And if you were to ask me if I were given the chance to do a “do over” with all these awful information in my future written in a “caution” part of my book life, would I rearrange my life and delete the part where I met him? I’d say, “No”. What happened has molded me into a person I am now, HE helped me become a better version of myself. Because of him, I have known what it felt like to love someone selflessly- and how the truth hit me that it was the biggest mistake I ever made.
To the next person to love me, I want you to do me these 10 things.
- I want you to get jealous. I know, it tastes like hell- but I want to feel that you don’t want to lose me. That you cannot stand the idea of somebody else holding my hand.
- Don’t be afraid to disagree with me. When I say the sky is PINK, please tell me I must be mad as a hatter and that the sky will always be BLUE.
- Hey, it’s okay to be disappointed in me- say, you wanted a pair of blue socks on your birthday (because you love BLUE) , but then, I gave you RED socks, because red is my favorite color. You didn’t make a comment because you didn’t want trouble. You know I have some loose screws in my head, and you didn’t want to loosen them up even more, so you wore that RED socks to please me. But whenever you wear them, they only remind you of how absorbed am I with my vanity- and boy, it may be just a silly thing, but your dissatisfaction is building up- until it hardens- until one day, you just woke up “I have had enough.” I never want that to happen.
- Be brutally honest- you see, I have this tendency to be idiot. I say and do mean things to you, and I do/say them because I’m comfortable with you. Please do let me know if I have crossed the line- I promise I won’t take them against you. Instead, I’d hug you and might not even forgive myself for thoughtlessly hurting you. I want you to know, that is the last thing in my mind.
- “Honey, I think it’s time for you to hit the gym.”- Yes it hurts, but it’s perfectly alright with me if you tell me I have gained weight and even more perfect if you tell me to lose some fats. As your partner, I want to look good for you. I want you to be proud when you are with me. I want you to lust over me. I want you to still fuck me like there’s no tomorrow. (WARNING: I do expect the same thing from you.)
- Buy me flowers and chocolates. PLEASE. I’m not a flower person, but I love receiving them when I least expect them. (It’s silly I know.)
- “I want to travel-alone.” I’m fine with it. You can have all the “ME-time” you want, just let me know where are you staying. There’s also a big probability I might ask you the same thing. I believe that even if we are together, we have each other’s individuality to think too. There are just things that we cannot do together, and that you need to do it all by yourself.
- When in doubt- please tell me. When one day, you find yourself having second thoughts about me, about us in general, please don’t keep me in the dark. Don’t just withdraw yourself and left me hanging. I have all the rights to know.
- I want you to rub my back until I fall asleep. (just that simple)
- Never ever stop calling or texting me. Don’t seen-zone me on Facebook. No matter how busy you are, please just please, send me a message, or call. I want to know your day. I want to know where you are, and what you are doing and I want you to tell me you are thinking of me. I will find it sweet, promise.