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I wish YOU did not happen

I remember the first time I saw you.

You were standing in front of the Printing Machine, impatiently waiting. You were staring at the ceiling, counting the holes-perhaps?

I thought you were cute.

I remember the first time we met. You were introduced to us, I gazed at  you for the moment and the first thought that came to my mind was “I don’t care.”

I really didn’t care at all.

I didn’t even remember you approaching me that night at the bar nor when you were staring at me that warm September at the smoking area. I was oblivious of your existence, I didn’t care, until you changed it by one remark.

“You are always deep in your thoughts, aren’t you?” you said it to me more like stating a fact than a question that Thursday night at the inconspicuous part of the Smoking Area, where I always stay. “Last night you were all so bubbly and that, and the next day, you are this. “ I looked at you blandly trying to understand what you meant, then smiled meekly.

“I just love to think, is that all.” was my obedient response, then took a long drag with my cigarette, while avoiding your gaze. I didn’t want to send you any message that I wanted to prolong the conversation. I was merely trying to tell you, just let me be.

“I do that a lot too.” You said, clearly not getting me. You looked so gaily and cute when you said it, that I smiled, finally.

“I see.” I said, giving you a long look- totally getting my attention. After that, we were always seen together at the smoking area. We talked about silly stuff, sometimes with your friend, and sometimes with mine. But I still didn’t get you, really. Sometimes you smiled at me, sometimes you didn’t, but I still didn’t care. You gave me a lot of nicknames, which at first I found a little off and made me think, still, I didn’t care.

What really changed everything, like seriously everything was that one night, after shift, I knew my fiancé wouldn’t pick me up, so I took my time getting ready. I took a cigarette while on my way out from the building, and languidly taking my time thinking what I wanted to do. I was starting at space when I heard someone calling my name. I looked at my left, and saw you with the other men I met at the smoking area. You motioned me to come over, which I did. You offered me a drink, I declined. I sat next to your right, and finished my cigarette while you guys were taunting my cigarette intake when I took the last cigarette from my bag, (I think they noticed you telling me I didn’t need another cigarette, and I reasoned out, that I had to so I could start a fresh pack tomorrow, and you were shaking your head with disbelief and concern.), taking noticed of my pearl necklace that I wore that day, and me being a good girl but clearly in a sarcastic way. I just smiled them off, and enjoyed a good banter with them, when I noticed you looking at me, again.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, seeing your eyes for the first time. They were shades of light grey with a hint of blue.

“Nothing, did you hear what E was saying- that he wanted to nibble your pearls?”

I was taken aback. Clearly I didn’t hear it, so I apologized, and gave you a bashful smile.

“We should go out sometimes.” You said suddenly, just loud enough for me to understand.

I gave you a funny look- when?” letting myself to oblivion.


I decided to ask further, “Where?”

“Mango Square?”

Now that made me laugh. Obviously you weren’t told never bring a girl at Mango Square.


“Oh never mind, I am just messing up your mind.” Was what you said before I could even say a word.

We ended the night with goodbyes-see-you-tomorrow, but the conversation that we had was still playing on my mind, even until now. And Boy, You have messed my mind well enough for me to decide, to finally CARE.























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